Today marks day three of David's three day suspension. It's been very rough and today he thinks that he is going to just refuse to do the work I have layed out for him- mostly folding laundry. He has spent his life getting around rules at school by either avoidance (sleeping) or open defiance. Those are his tactics today, but he isn't dealing with the school he's dealing with mom. We have had a very rough morning with his attitude and defiance, so desperate times calls for desperate measures.
It's Hammertime (ok I'm showing my age) but you either have to laugh or cry and I know that he would prefer me to cry, since this would mean he wins. So after telling him to fold the laundry (for more than the 10th time) and him just laying there and telling me he was too tired I grabbed a hammer and hotwheels and started to pound, outside on the porch. I'm very shocked but, this child who was too tired to fold laundry wasn't too tired to jump up and run to try to stop me. After making him throw away the mangled car I then tell him that everytime I have to repeat a request he will lose another car. I am happy to report that he folding laundry even as I blog.
This is not the way I imagined parenting my son and it just breaks my heart that I must take actions such as this to get his attention. But, I would rather take these measures than let him go down the road that he has chosen so far. This is also the child that the behavior treatment center, after 18 months, said they could do nothing more with. So if I have to break a few cars to make him understand that he must follow the rules of the house then so be it.
Monday, February 25, 2008
A Little Tough Love
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6 comments:
Okay, can I just say that for this you get the "Best Parent Ever Award" from me? I will have to remember this for when C and J get to pre-teen stage... :o)
You have my admiration.
More parents need to be willing to take types of steps you did today and truly parent.
You are in tune with him and what his priorities are.
Breaking the will can be tough...
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Becky K.
Dr. Phil always says that you need to discover the child's "currency" and obviously Hot Wheels is his. Good for you -- no, GREAT for you. God has entrusted him to the RIGHT mom and dad. Yes, I know your heart is breaking -- I had to do something like that too, and went into the backyard and cried my heart out afterwards. This is not how we dreamed parenting would be but it is the right thing to do.
God bless you.
Rita in Oly
Thank you all. You have made my day a lot brighter just knowing that others are right there with me. All your prayers are appreciated. It is difficult at times, this is the part they never tell you about before you have a child. But, I do want to get through to him before he has to learn the lessons in an even harder way. The price of a few toy cars is small compared to losing a job because he refuses to obey his boss. I had never heard of the "currency" but it so true. We have to remember what means most to us doesn't usually mean the most to our children.
Kim, Honey you use what works! It sounds like this worked....at some point it might not and then you got to find another. This is exactly the sort of thing my mother would have done and so would I! Great Job!!!
Hi Kim,
thanks for taking a moment to comment over on my blog. I appreciate your visit.
I have raised a hard to deal with child. My words of wisdom to you are stick with what you've just posted. Be tougher than tough. I wasn't and it shows now that my son is 23. Deep sigh. If you think letting your son go splat against the wall of consequences is difficult now, imagine the situation with him as an adult. Pound away on those cars!
But, don't forget, when these guys are really unloveable, they need loving the most.
Lovely blog. I'll be back.
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