Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Weary and Worn Down

David - rock climbing
As mothers we all have those times when we are so worn down by the demands that are required of us. This past weekend found me worn down and weary.

We went on a beautiful walk together Saturday morning. Before going, David was excited about the walk, but once we got home David griped that he hadn't really wanted to go and had a miserable time. As you can tell by the picture, he really did have a great time. The problem started when we were leaving and he wanted to "look" at puppies at the shelter. I said we could look, but we were not getting one and he was not to even ask when we got there. "Never mind" was his response. The attitude continued all evening.

But, hope springs eternal and Sunday morning we expected the best. But David had decided that since he's "13" he was a teenager he should be allowed to stay home from church if he wished. Since he won't be 13 until May that didn't fly; we also feel that as long as he's in our home he will attend unless there is an illness. He continued his "I don't want to be here" attitude and actions well into the service. Once the service began he tried to ruin his shirt (to have to go home to change), he wouldn't stand for the singing and then tried to embarrass me into taking him home

By the time I could get Rich's attention, I was upset that David would be willing to hurt me just to get to go home and play. I ended up leaving the service, while Rich stayed with David through to the end of the service. We have often been told that when we are consistant and don't let him win he will stop the bad behavior. Since we have not allowed him to stay home due to bad behavior for the last seven years it should kick in any day now.

We have some wonderful friends who checked up on me following the service. The out-stretching of their friendship helped me make it to the Ladies party (since all I felt like doing was licking my wounds.)

I woke up the following morning at 4am, unable to get back to sleep. I spent the next 30 to 40 minutes in prayer about this. Thanking God that we have friends who see David's issues and are not judgmental, praying for the healing of the damage done to David's brain due to his in utero exposure to drugs (we have been told there have been cases that the brain repaired the damage itself during growth spurts, such as at puberty) and also praying for wisdom for myself and Rich.

5 comments:

Mrs. Decker said...

Kim - please know that you are not alone. I also have a 13 year old and no explanation for some of his behavior. We have a photo album full of family vacation pictures, where he is the only one refusing to smile. Trips to San Diego with him sulking the entire way.
My mother said that this phase is sure to last until about 17....only prayer will see us through this time...and I am praying for you.

Kim said...

Mrs. Decker- thank you for your prayers and wonderful encouragement. I knew there were other mothers out in blog land who were going through tough times. But, when I looked at other mommy blogs they all seemed to focus only on "happy moments". Being a mom to David has been filled with many happy moments, but we have had our share of struggles and unhappy moments.
That was one reason I wanted to start my blog, to help other mothers who are struggling with parenting issues and letting them know others are going through the same issues. We as mothers are not perfect and neither are our kids.
You will be in my prayers also.

Mrs. Decker said...

Kim, I don't know of even one mother who does not need prayer while raising their children. We all have struggles and unhappy moments....some people would like to not let it show, but we all experience these times. I think it is so important for all of us moms to stick together. I know that your blog will bring great comfort to others. I look forward to reading more.

Mrs. Wilt said...

Kim,
Prayers for you and Rich during this difficult time with David. Reading your blog gives me so much wisdom to file away for later years when my own boys will be facing these issues. Thank you for being willing to share both the joys and the difficult times. :o)

Anonymous said...

Kim - I'm sorry to report to you that all three of our "normal brain" children behaved that way during their teen years. It is amazing that they all survived. There is a couple in our church that are part of the leadership. They have two sons, one of which is making it as difficult on them as possible to get through the church service in one piece. I don't know anyone who is judging them as poor parents -- we all recognize the behavior for what it is. I'm asking God to give you an extra hug for me today.
Rita in Oly
rrshaefer@comcast.net