Saturday, January 12, 2008

The Making of Our Family: Part 3

For the last two days I have been telling the story of how we became a family. Today's post is the final post in this series.

The morning following David's birth was gray and stormy. I arrived at the hospital not knowing if his birth mother would have changed her mind and want to parent this child I had already fallen in love with. Upon arriving at the hospital room I found a very exhausted mother. She stated that David had not slept at all—each time she would try to cuddle him he would push, scratch, and cry. This had convinced her that the adoption plan she had already made was the right decision. We took turns holding our little bundle.

By early afternoon his birth mother went outside, leaving me in the room alone, a nurse came in and demanded to take my temperature. Since I was wearing a bracelet she thought I was the one who had given birth. Trying to explain to her that it wasn't my temperature she needed, she stuck the thermometer into my mouth. After telling me how well I was doing and my temperature was good I finally was able to explain that she may not want to write it on the chart since I was the adoptive mother. She had a sense of humor and laughed when I told her that was what I was trying to tell her. LOL! I explained where the birth mother was, so that she would need to come back.

We were able to take lots of pictures with all of us together and they are a proud part of our son's baby book. Finally, at 8 pm we were able to leave the hospital, driving the birth mother with us—since the hospital couldn't release the baby to us. Because the storm was knocking out electricity in our area and flooding caused several streets to closed, we called her to let her know when we got home. When it was time for all of us to collapse at the end of long day the only place David would sleep and not cry was snuggled right in the middle of my chest.

Several days later when we checked on the birth mother she was very emotional and felt her decision was the right one. But, she couldn't remember what David looked like so we invited her and her daughter over. When they left we sent them home with a video of everyone holding the baby. We were to send them pictures the following day. I'm sure these images are as special to her as they are to us. David is very fortunate in that they even attended his first birthday party.

We are fortunate to have a birth mother that we could build a healthy relationship with. I love our open adoption and am happy that he can see her when he feels the need and know that he does have a half sibling. He did ask once about her and we were able to arrange for them to see each other. That was six years ago and it seems to have satisfied his curiosity. But, when David was four we had another birth mother come to ask that we adopt her daughter. She even contacted the agency directly and stated she only wanted us to adopt her daughter. I had to explain that we were concerned about the amount of involvement the birth mother wanted in our lives. She wanted to name the child, pick her up and take her out when she wanted to, and make decisions such as schooling. This is not open adoption. We suggested that they place the little girl in another state to prevent these issues. She was placed out of state and from the agency and the birth mother's family I have found that she is doing well. Our adoption is more open than most, but it works well for all of us.

[The Making of Our Family: Part 1]
[The Making of Our Family: Part 2]
[The Making of Our Family: Part 3]


Richard D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Richard D said...

And this story was the start of an amazing and wonderful journey. Life before David seems awfully boring in retrospect. It has been anything but boring since then. Thanks for posting the story of our family. As we like to say, David made us a family because before his adoption we were just a couple.

Qtpies7 said...

That is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with me!
I love birth stories, too. Even adopted ones.