Saturday, March 29, 2008

A Snapshot or a Movie?

For years we searched for the right medication and dosage for our son's many issues. Some doctors say "There are no issues," since they would see him for a total of five well-behaved minutes. Some would excuse his behavior by saying "all children do that," and, while that may be true, in our son's case it was always to the extreme.

Some would say that if we were just firm enough he would get in line, others said we were too firm ... and on and on it went. When we did get doctors to listen, it seemed to get one thing solved it would throw something else out of whack.

Doctors tend to want to change medications and dosages at a very slow rate, then track results and check blood levels. While this is a wise approach, it can be too slow when a family is in crisis. So when the point came and we were faced with having to place our son in a treatment center in order to maintain a safe environment in our home, we began to interview centers. The center we choose explained they felt they could help where others hadn't because they would see "the movie" and not the "snapshot" of our son. All the others had caught a glimpse of our lives, not what it was like at 2:00am trying to calm an out-of-control child. Or how he interacted with other children his own age, both in a structured setting and at play. This would give them a chance to see him at all times and see the severity of and causes for his behavior. This would also give them the chance to make quicker changes in his meds, and monitor the changes in a more controlled environment. This made lots of sense.

But, I think we have to be careful that we while we read blogs and web-sites and feel we are getting "movies" of the person writing the blog, we are actually getting "snapshots." It is a glimpse into that person's life, which may be real or not. The perfect coiffed mother of of three may be a middle-aged man in real life. Even this mother of one doesn't show you a "movie" of my life. You don't see the me that stumbles out of bed to brush my stinky teeth in the morning (and you should really thank me for that!) Even though our neighbors will get a "time-lapse movie" of who we are, which gives them a better picture of us, they still don't get the entire picture.

Most will blog about the better parts of their lives, but that is not always the case. That means we are not getting the whole person. One person I know is warm and fuzzy in person, but when you go to her blog you will find a very judgmental "better-than-you" attitude. So while I like to make friends and visit my friends on our blogs we must always know that is just a "snapshot" and not a "movie" of their lives, and in some cases it may even be an illusion.


Kelly said...

How true about snapshots, Kim. I know that there have been times that I've written a post and thought, "Should I publish this?" especially about my longing for another child (for which I don't want to seem ungrateful for the blessings that I have) and our house-hunt and selling experience (same sentiment there). But, I hit publish because those are parts of myself, good or bad, that others may be able to relate to and that give glory to God. My flaws are lovingly comforted by the Lord, and His love is just too outstanding not to share - every weak part of us is made strong in Christ. :o)

Sharon said...

Hi Kim,

I know what you mean. I try to be really honest, warts and all. One "Christian" blogger who is against women who work (and I work part-time)wrote a post talking bad about mom's who work and she mentioned that (I am paraphrasing to the best of my memory here) "I have read the blogs of working women and while they say they are fullfilled and happy, most of them also complain at least once a month that they are depressed". After I read that, I was worried about writing when I get the blues. I shouldn't even care what she says and I don't think it has anything to do with my working, it has to do with hormones, empty nest syndrome or whatever. I do often feel that sometimes the blues can be the enemy attacking as well. Any way, I want to always be honest.

I really hope that you can get your son's medication figured out. It must be very difficult.

Kim said...

I feel it is also important that we show many facets of ourselves also. One reason is because as we travel through life we learn lessons that may be of help to others. The older ladies teaching the younger idea, however I have learned much from the younger ladies also.
One of main concern is that we all understand that we need to be discerning on what we read and who we read on the blogs. The "has it all together" blog author still has issues just like the rest of us. Some may be more worried about what my next post is and not what will I feed my family for dinner tonight.
Sharon- they have stopped fiddling on the medication for now. Due to his many issues they feel that for now this works best. However, with each growth spurt I worry about new med changes.

Anonymous said...

Bloggers that are "Real" are the only ones I read -- ones that are always cheerful seem to lack substance. I would rather cry with women in their disappointments and celebrate in their successes. The people in the Bible are real -- with their warts sticking out for all to see. We should be nothing less.
Rita in Oly

Mrs. Decker said...

I just said this to someone the other day! Blogs only give us a glimpse into each others don't get to see when I'm tired and crabby or when I've spoken sharply to one of my children and regret it. I think it is important to keep these things in mind.....NO ONE is matter what their blog says.