Til Death Do Us Part – Rich and Kim

Up until now all the couples I have featured have been married until the death of one of the partners. Today I break that rule, since today is Valentine's day I wanted to tell the story of how I met and married my husband, Rich.

When I was in first grade we moved into a new home, after we had been there a few months, the pastor of a new church in the community invite us to visit his church. We had attended church when it was convenient, but church was never central in our lives. My mother was the one to take us, while my father was openly critical about Christians and churches. We would go to church if my father was golfing, working or at a football game. My mother decided to visit this church we had been invited to one Sunday and this decision would change not only the spiritual aspect of my life, but also I would meet my husband there.

My mother began to take us more regularly, but we still attended only Sunday school and Sunday morning services. During the morning services the church had junior church for elementary school age children. The service included all the elements of the regular church service—we sang hymns, prayed and had a lesson. During the services I was appalled by the behavior of the pastor's son Richie and his best friend Rob, they would blow spit wads at the deacon who was praying and had a tendency to laugh and talk during the service. Richie always seemed to be at the center of any disruption. (He would dispute all of this—but I have a better memory than he does.)

As I got older we still attended only the Sunday morning service, never attending any AWANA or youth functions, since this was the time my father tended to be home. I began to date boys at school but never the boys at church, since the kids in the youth group tended to date each other.

Unbeknownst to me, the Pastor's son had asked my brother if I was dating anyone and being an observent brother, he responded, "I don't know." So Richie dated other girls and I dated other guys. It seemed that one of us was dating someone when the other was interested. So it never worked out.

Our wedding - looking to the future

Richie went off to college at Baptist Bible College, while I stayed at home completing school. During the summer after Richie's freshmen year, his best friend Rob was killed in a freak car accident. This was devestating to the entire church. Rob had grown to be a much-loved young man in the church. When Richie returned to college that fall he continued to have issues with many of the school's rules. At the end of his third year of college he decided not to return.

The time was ripe for both of us. I had broken up with a boyfriend that I had dated for two years, one that I knew if I stayed with I would end up marrying and end up miserable ever after. He didn't hold the same values on family and life as I did. I wanted children and he wasn't very keen on them. He was very jealous and resentful of anytime I was not with him. He was very cheap—if he could buy a pot for 10 cents cheaper with the handle on the lid broken, that was the pot he wanted. Of course, it would take more than 10 cents to fix the pot, but that was fine with him.

Our mothers had been trying to gently throw Richie and me together for years and had finally given up—hint, hint: to all meddling mothers. We started going out as friends, having fun while many of our friends were either at college or getting married. Our love slowly blossomed, our first date was "Snow White and the Seven Drawfs," which we had to drive to a town 15 miles away to see. Richie's parents did not believe in movies, so we didn't want anyone to see us and report back to them. We had our first kiss in the steeple of the church we grew up in.

Immediately after the wedding

The following February 10th, six months after we began to date, unbeknownst to me, Rich had called my Dad to ask his permission to marry me. My mother knew what was going on when my father sat in his chair after saying "yes" and was still holding the phone when Rich got there to take me out. The only thing my father said after I left was "I bet she'll say 'no.'" Now don't get me wrong, it's not that my father didn't like Rich, he just wasn't ready to let go of his little girl. Rich took me to Blackie's House of Beef and was planning on proposing to me there, but chickened out. So we went parking in a church parking lot. Rich asked me then. Right after I said yes, a police officer pulled up to see what we were doing. We decided on a May wedding day, but set it for the following year. This would allow my father time to get used to the idea and time to plan.

Shortly after we got engaged, Rich's older sister also got engaged. Their parents thought it might be a good idea to have a double wedding. The only problem was she wanted a wedding at the park, playing volleyball at the reception. She didn't want attendents, a wedding cake, a wedding dress or even to wear shoes. Now if you know me, I am a traditional person and wanted just the opposite for my wedding—can you belive it, I wanted to wear shoes!

The wedding dress was a major problem. For some reason they don't make dresses for women who are 4'11" and weigh 80 pounds (that was almost 22 years ago and many pounds ago.) So we had to find a seamstress to make a dress for me. Since Rich's father was the founding pastor of the church we would have many wedding guests and lots of food to arrange. One of the ladies of the church offered to do all the catering.

Husband & Wife

The week before the wedding, Rich was sick, not a good omen. Two days before the wedding Rich gave me my first wedding gift—his sickness. The night before the wedding I could hardly talk. The day of the wedding I could hardly talk. Our honeymoon night I could hardly talk, I think he was hoping that would last throughout our marriage but I have actually tried to make up for it since.

We flew to the Virgin Islands the morning following our wedding. Right when I got over my husband's gift of illness, Rich got so sunburned he couldn't move for two days. I think we were just trying to get all the "in sickness" part of our vows out of the way.

When we have spoken to people who knew us then, many have been surprised that we are still together. Since Rich and I have very different personalities they felt that it would never last. The funny part is that due to each of our strengths and weaknesses we find that we need the balance the other gives us.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Til Death Do Us Part

I hope you have enjoyed meeting and learning from the couples in my series as much as I have. It has been interesting to me that all these women have the attributes of the Titus 2:5 woman "to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." The all were intellegent woman, using their wisdom to further the causes they believed in. The husbands were strong enough to let their wives shine. All the husbands and wives worked hard to make their marriages work, often in circumstances that would test them beyond anything we will experience in our lives.

 

Since tomorrow is valentine's day I will be featuring the love story between Rich and myself. No, I wouldn't put us in the same catagory as the people I've featured, but since I haven't told our love story before I thought this would be a great time to tell our love story.

Til Death Do We Part – King Ahasuerus/Queen Esther

Queen Esther in front of King Ahasuerus

The marriage of King Ahasuerus and Queen Esther is the basis of the wonderful movie "One Night With The King." Often Christian films tend to be of poor quality—the acting, the sets—but this movie was a feast for the senses. I love the fact that they kept to the Biblical account.

King Ahasuerus (also known as Xerxes) had a wife named Vashti. At a time of feasts she held her own and when her husband ordered a royal comand to appear at his banquet she refused. This enraged the King because this was a public humilitation. It was decided that Queen Vashti would never be allowed to appear before the King, and she would be replaced.

Hadassah, a young Jewish girl being raised by her Uncle Mordecei was gathered with the other virgins in the area to be brought before the King. Mordecei had instructed Hadassah to change her name to Esther to hide the fact that she was a Jew. She was chosen, among the other women, to be brought to the palace to replace Queen Vashti.

Queen Esther from "One Night With the King"

During this time a man named Haman, a high official, was filled with fury when Mordecei wouldn't bow down to him. Haman used his hate to plot against the Jews. Haman convinced the King to decree that all Jews were to be killed.

Queen Esther was asked by Mordecei to speak to the King about the decree and save her people. Queen Esther took a mighty big gamble—she appeared before the King without her presence being commanded. But, Esther found favor in his sight. When the King asked what she wanted, she asked that he come back to another feast the next day. At the second feast she made her request—that he save her people, the Jews.

The King honored her request by allowing the Jews to defend themselves. Esther exposed the wickedness of Haman and was granted his property. The gallows that Haman had built for Mordecei was used to hang Haman himself.

Queen Esther's love for her people helped her find love with her King.

Here's the trailer (you've got to see this movie):

Til Death Do Us Part – The Blacks

Curly Top

I remember sitting with my father and watching Shirley Temple movies on Sunday mornings. "Curly Top," as she was called, made movies during the Great Depression, making $15,000 a week in 1936 while filming "Poor Little Rich Girl." But for an hour or so she would take her audiences away from their own troubles and they would be immersed in the troubles of "The Little Princess" or one of her other films. "The Little Princess" was always my favorite; I've never failed to cry, no matter how many times I have seen the movie.

Shirley Temple was born on April 23, 1928, in California. In 1933, she was signed to a contract with the studio now known as 20th Century Fox. Even at the age of 5 she was known for always memorizing her lines and dance routines.

Shirley Temple Gets Married

Shirley married John Agar on September 19, 1945. They would have one daughter together but the marriage would end in divorce.

In 1950 Shirley took a vacation to Hawaii that changed her life. There she met Charles Black at a party. Charles was 31 years old veteran of the war in the Pacific. He was also a desendant of John Alden—a Mayflower pilgrim. They married in December, 1950, in California. Charles and Shirley had a son and daughter together. Susan, Shirley's daughter from her first marriage, would later change her name to Black.

In 1969 Shirley was named a member of the US delegation to the UN. She was then appointed Ambassodor to Ghana in 1974. In 1976 Shirley was the first woman to become Chief of Protocol. Their son has said that Shirley and Charles "didn't sleep apart from each other for more than a couple of days. They adored each other" throughout the more than 50 years they were together.

Following her husband's death in 2005, Shirley said: "He was the love of my life."

Til Death Do Us Part- The Lees

Being a proud Virginian I had to write about this couple.

Stratford Hall

My grandfather was named Robert Lee Williams (my grandmother's middle name was also Lee)after the Southern Gentleman's General, Robert E. Lee. We have also visited Robert E. Lee's birthplace, Stratford Hall, often on July 4th, followed by a trip to pick berries at Westmoreland Berry Farm. If you have ever seen "The Patriot" the beautiful home in the background as the ship explodes in the harbor is Stratford Hall.

Mary Anna Randolph Custis was the great-granddaughter of our very first First Lady Martha Washington. Born on October 1, 1808, Mary was the only surviving child of her parents Washington and Mary Custis. Mary's parents were opposed to slavery, however, they owned slaves and allowed Mary to play with the children of slaves. The Custises were concerned that freeing their slaves without the slaves being able to read or write would result in their inability to support themselves. Mary's mother set up a Sunday School and began educating their slaves, something that Mary herself would do in later years.

Mary Custis-Lee

Mary had known Robert E. Lee since childhood. The two grew closer after Robert received a West Point appointment. Mary timed a visit to a relative when she knew that Robert would also be visiting. Mary realized at this time that she loved him. After Robert graduated second in his class from West Point in 1829 he asked Mary to marry him. During their courtship they exchanged many letters, which Mary shared with her mother. When Robert found this out he wasn't pleased that his intimate thoughts had been shared. Mary respected Robert's wish and no longer showed their letters to anyone.

The Lee-Custis wedding scheduled for June 30, 1831, almost didn't occur. Mary became gravely ill and was not expected to live. She slowly began to recover and eventually was able to be married. During their honeymoon Mary again fell ill, this time recovering even more slowly. Her strength never returned in full. In spite of her illness Mary and Robert had seven children.

During the War Between the States (remember I am a Southerner) when writing to her husband she included a pair of hand-knitted socks (for Mary, knitting was a very painful task.)

Mary inherited her parents' house in Arlington, Virginia, however due to the war Robert secured her safety into Confederate territory. In 1864 the property taxes became delinquent and the property was to be put up for auction. When the Lee's had tried to pay the taxes before they were due, the government refused to accept the payment saying that the owner had to pay in person (Mary was ill at the time and they knew she couldn't make the trip and wouldn't they have loved to have the wife of the commanding general of the enemy in their grasp?) The government finally bought the property themselves for $26,800. In 1865 while residents were fleeing the Yankees as they threatened to invade Richmond, Mary and her daughters prepared to defend themselves. Mary refused the ambulance that Union General Weitzel sent to deliver them to safety.

Robert E. Lee

During the occupation a Union sentry was placed at her house for her safety. This was where she heard the cannon fire marking the surrender of the War. Six days later her Robert returned to her.

She petitioned the government for the return of her property. President Andrew Johnson authorized the return of all her property, however Congress felt the property of "The Father of the Country" belonged to the people and didn't belong to one person.

Mary and Robert found joy sitting on the porch and enjoying the beauty. Robert's health began to slowly decline. When he became ill, Mary stayed at his bedside until he passed away. Due to her own illness she was not able to attend his funeral. She instead stayed home and re-read the letters he had sent during their life together.
In 1901 her family property was finally returned to her heirs by President McKinley.

Til Death Do Us Part – The Thatchers

As America faces the possibility of the first woman president I find it humorous that the liberal press will say that conservatives would not vote for a woman. As a conservative I find this so way off the mark, I would gladly vote for the right woman. During the "Reagan years," Britian had a woman who held the office of Prime Minister for 11 years. Most conservative Americans would fully support a woman who has as strong a character and who yet retained her old-fashioned feminity.

Margaret Roberts was born in 1925 in a small town in Britain. During her early years, much of the time Margaret spent in the local Methodist church with her family. She won a place at Oxford studing chemistry. Because of her interest in politics, encouraged by her father, she was elected president of the student Conservative Association at Oxford. By her mid-20s she was elected for a Labour seat of Dartford.

Margaret Thatcher

She met her husband in Dartford. Denis Thatcher was running his family business. Margaret and Denis were married in 1951 and went on to have twins—a son and daughter—in 1953. Denis was the head of the household, it was his income that supported Margaret and their children. Margaret has said "he was a fund of shrewd advice and penetrating comment. And he very sensibly saved these for me rather than the outside world." She also credited him with her success, "I could never have been prime minister for more than eleven years without Denis by my side."

After more than 50 years of marriage Denis died in June 2003.

 

I love this quote from Margaret Thatcher: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." Margaret showed the world a woman could be both, strong and still a lady.

Til Death Do Us Part – Ranier and Grace Grimaldi

I have to admit I love a good fairy tale. But unlike Disney's "happy ever after," this fairy tale had a rocky start with two people who had to work hard at their relationship after the wedding. I also love the elegance and class of Princess Grace.

Prince Ranier & Princess Grace

The fairy tale would begin on May 1955 when American 26-year-old Grace Kelly attended the Cannes Film Festival. A French magazine thought it would be good press for her to meet the dashing Prince Ranier from the small principality of Monaco. At the height of her acting career she announced her engagement to the prince. On April 4, 1956, Grace set sail from New York aboard the S.S. Constitution bound for Monaco.

On April 18, 1956, in a civil ceremony she became Princess of Monaco and the following day the marriage was given a religious blessing at a ceremony in Monaco’s St. Nicholas Cathedral.

The early years of their marriage were difficult ones. She found it difficult adjusting to her new role as wife to a man used to having his own way and a country that had certain expectations of their new princess. He found it difficult to understand his independent wife. Prince Ranier would tell a reporter "So the Princess and I have always tried to minimize any sort of incident or little disagreement between us in the interest of keeping the family together—so that the children should not suffer."

Grace found a way to incorporate her own interests into her work as Princess to benefit the Monegasques. Ranier worked at meeting the needs of his wife and allowed his wife to spend the time she needed with her family.

After much work (from both of them) they found the love that only hard work and hard times could produce. Ten years into their marriage Princess Grace would say "Marriage is not an end in itself. It takes a lot to make it work."

Formal portrait

In Septmber of 1982 in a conversation with her sister, Grace explained she needed to get back to the Prince. Her sister told her "Don't you think he can survive for a few weeks without you?" Grace replied "No, I know what he needs. He needs me." On September 13th Grace left their country home to return to the palace. On her way, Grace missed a turn on the road, sending her car over a cliff. The injuries would result in her death.

Prince Ranier's grief at Grace's funeral was visible for all to see. He never seemed to recover from her death, at state occassions he seemed to be a shell of his former self. In the formal portraits of the Prince you see the Princess' portrait always in the background.

Til Death Do Us Part – The Johnsons

You might say that I grew up in the backyard of this love story. I was born on Main Street, Greeneville, Tennessee. This happened to be on the opposite end of the street to this couple's home. My first home looked into the backyard of this couple's home. So I grew up visiting their home which is now a Historical Site and I heard their story from their decendants.

Andrew Johnson

Andrew Johnson was born on December 29, 1808, into poverty. His parents were illiterate tavern servants. Andrew's father died when he was three years old. He became a tailor's apprentice at the age of 14. At 17 he moved to Greeneville, Tennessee. He met Eliza McCardle, who though being the daughter of immigrant shoemakers was sent to Rhea (pronounced ray) Academy where she learned to read and write. In 1827 they were married. Eliza taught Andrew to read, write, and to do simple math—encourging his speaking ability and his interest in local politics. She helped prepare his speeches and managed their investments and real estate.

Eliza Johnson

As Andrew rose in local politics, the country was about to enter into the war that would divide the nation. When Abraham Lincoln was assissinated it was Andrew Johnson who would take over the presidency. Eliza could be heard telling reporters "I am an invalid," however, those in the White House knew that even though physically the war had worn her down, her mind was as sharp as ever. Colonel Crook described Eliza "as a woman of far more than usual power... but absolutely inflexible when it came to a matter of principal." Their marriage "seemed as two souls and minds merged as one" was a statement heard by an observer at the time.

When Andrew was brought up on impeachment charges she stood steadfast with him. He was tried by the Senate in the spring of 1868 and aquitted by one vote, Eliza's response was "I knew he'd be aquitted, I knew it." They returned to Tennessee where he was voted to the Senate in 1875. Andrew died a few months later. Eliza would die just six months after that.

Andrew achieved the highest office in our country, rising from an illiterate tailor to the presidency. He could not have achieved this without a strong wife by his side. As we hold presidental elections this year, I wonder if we wouldn't be better off with a tailor who has character than with lawyers and professional politicians.

Til Death Do Us Part – The Stewarts

I have always loved Jimmy Stewart—it's ok my husband knows this and totally understands. When I saw Jimmy at events with his wife Gloria I was always impressed by the way he treated her as if she were the celebrity—beaming. You could feel the love that passed between them. Jimmy was the best of what America represents. The innocence of "Harvey" or the honest man fighting against the big guys for what was right in "It's a Wonderful life" or "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" make him my favorite actor.

Jimmy & Gloria Stewart

After returning home from filming a movie in 1948 Jimmy found the woman who would hold his heart even after her death. They married on August 9, 1949, at a church that Jimmy helped to fund, Brentwood Presbyterian Church. He gained not only a wife, but also became dad to her two sons. In an industry that thrives on scandal and sensation there was never any scandal attached to their marriage. Gloria once said "I can honestly say that in all the years we've been married, Jimmy never once gave me cause for anxiety or jealousy. The more glamorous the leading lady he was starring opposite, the more attentive he's been to me. His consideration was incredible and one of the reasons our marriage has lasted so long and is still so good."

The Stewarts went on to have twin girls to complete their family.

The death of Gloria in 1994 devestated Jimmy. He rarely left his bedroom, turning away visitors and ending contact with friends. When Jimmy died in 1997 more than 3,000 people showed up at his funeral to pay their respects.

Til Death Do Us Part—The Grahams

The next couple whose love lasted a lifetime is Ruth and Billy Graham. The time they shared together would have been so precious, because much of their marriage he traveled around the world with his ministry.

Ruth & Billy Graham

Their love story began at Wheaton College in 1937 when Ruth was introduced to "Preacher" as Billy was so apply named. As things became serious between the two, there was a struggle within Ruth, who thought she was called to the mission field as her parents had been. After much prayer Ruth came to realize that her calling was to join Billy in his desire to evangelize. On August 13, 1943, after Ruth graduated from Wheaton, the two were married in North Carolina.

During the long absenses from each other Ruth didn't just raise their children, she began her own ministry, which included writing many books. She valued her role as the woman behind "America's Pastor." "Ruth and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a great one," Billy said, "For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic."

In the mountains

As they grew older and their health started to deteriorate they spent more time together in the mountains of North Carolina. Billy along with their five children were at Ruth's side when she passed away on June 14, 2007. Following Ruth's death Billy said "I am so grateful to the Lord that He gave me Ruth, and especially for these last few years we've had in the mountains together. We've rekindled the romance of our youth, and my love for her continued to grow deeper every day. I will miss her terribly, and look forward even more to the day I can join her in Heaven."

Til Death Do Us Part – The Nelsons

The second couple I am highlighting this month is Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. Before my time, they became the example of what was best about America and family life when their entire family starred in The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet.

Their story began in 1932 when Ozzie Nelson caught Harriet Hillard's singing act at the Hollywood Restaurant. Ozzie knew this was what Ozzie Nelson and His Orchestra needed, so he approached her about joining him.

Harriet was earning more on her own than what she would earn by joining him. But, a wise friend suggested that she try it out for the summer. The summer turned into two years, but with no romance. But with the same hard working values—Harriet supporting her mother and Ozzie helping to put a younger brother through school—they found a friendship that developed into love. But, when Ozzie asked Harriet to marry him she refused the first few times. She finally was ready to accept him in August of 1935.

Ozzie and Harriet Nelson

Ozzie couldn't afford an engagement ring, but they were married in a simple ceremony at her mother's apartment in Hackensack, New Jersey.

Ozzie and Harriet with their two sons portraited themselves on television from 1952 to 1966.

Ozzie died on June 3, 1975 from cancer, Harriet continued to act until her death on October 2, 1994 of heart failure.

Perhaps one of the reasons this marriage lasted had something to do with what Harriet was quoted as saying, "Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself."

Til Death Do Us Part – The Reagans

For the month of February I thought I would like to share some love stories of couples that lasted a lifetime. Marriage takes work and the couples I will highlight had the additional burden of having their lives examined before the eyes of the world.

Ronald and Nancy Reagan

The first couple that came to mind was Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Years before her husband showed signs of Alzheimers I was impressed by a response to a reporter when she was asked about marriage. She stated that marriage was not 50-50 as is the common thought, but that each partner had to commit to giving 100%, some days you may be required to give 80% while other times you may only be able to provide 10% to the relationship. The Reagans' love and devotion throughout the trials they endured is legendary.

"My life really began when I married my husband," said Nancy Reagan, who in the 1950s happily gave up an acting career for a permanent role as the wife of Ronald Reagan and mother to their children.

Nancy Davis was an actress whose name had mistakenly appeared on the mailing list of a Communist newspaper. “I was doing a picture for Mervin Leroy and I complained to him about it,” said Nancy. “And he said, ‘I know Ronald Reagan. And he’s the president of the Screen Actor’s Guild and he’ll be able to straighten out your problem.’” “At that point, I just wanted to meet Ronald Reagan,” she added. “He called. And he said, ‘You have a problem and we -- are you free for dinner tonight?’ Yes, I was free for dinner,” said Nancy, laughing. “And he said, ‘Well, I have to make it a very early dinner, because I have an early morning call.’ And I said, ‘That's all right. I have an early morning call, too.’ Neither one of us, of course, had an early morning call. So we went out to dinner."

She met Ronald Reagan in 1951. The following year they were married in a simple ceremony in Los Angeles in the Little Brown Church in the Valley. Mrs. Reagan soon retired from making movies so she "could be the wife I wanted to be ... A woman's real happiness and real fulfillment come from within the home with her husband and children," she says.

“For all the years we’ve been married, it’s been we, not you and I,” said Ronald Reagan. “It would be inconceivable for me to go my own way on something without her. And I think it would be the same with her.”

The First (Couple) Dance

She was also there as caregiver when Alzheimer's disease stole his memory. "I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience," Reagan wrote in his poignant November 1994 letter to the American people disclosing that he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

When asked about the president during those declining years, Nancy said, "We've had an extraordinary life ... but the other side of the coin is that it makes it harder," she wrote in I Love You, Ronnie, "There are so many memories that I can no longer share, which makes it very difficult. When it comes right down to it, you're in it alone. Each day is different, and you get up, put one foot in front of the other, and go — and love; just love."

Ronald Reagan died on June 5, 2004. Toward the end of his life, Nancy proved she was willing to give the 100% she spoke about earlier in their marriage.

Sources: Whitehouse.gov and CBS News.